What's Destroying All These Fords In Oklahoma? We Have Some Theories

September 21, 2015

Hailstorms, lightning, floods: The damage caused to many cars on dealership lots is meteorologic in nature. 

But in Vinita, Oklahoma, a small town about 60 miles northeast of Tulsa, something else is to blame -- something with a heartbeat.

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Earlier this month, someone or something began attacking vehicles at Vinita's Green Country Ford dealership. Some of the damage has been severe: In at least one instance, a car's front bumper was removed by force. According to general sales manager Freddy Griffin, "That whole front clip was just ripped plumb off with teeth marks all over it and hair matted to it. It was just totally destroyed."

To date, traps and cameras have revealed no conclusive evidence about who or what might be behind the mystery. Paw prints have been found on the property, but it's not entirely clear whether the animal that made them might be responsible, or whether it was just passing through. At least nine vehicles have been damaged in four separate attacks on the dealership. 

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What's behind the mystery? Police seem to think it's a large dog, but that's not a very entertaining answer. Here are a couple of other options, just to liven up the debate.

  • Aliens: Like TPing houses and Pumpkin Spice Latte (the lost Spice Girl), aliens are a cherished fall tradition in many parts of America.
  • Real housewives on a rampage: They fly off the handle so easily, anything's possible. Maybe they're mad that the dealership doesn't sell party buses.
  • Chupacabra: Surely they've grown tired of sucking goat blood by now. Unfortunately, Griffin isn't sure chupacabras even exist: "I don’t know if they’re actually up this far north, or if they’re just in Mexico or Texas, or if they’re even real animals".

Other possibilities include: a Mercury Cougar (mad about being discontinued), a Ford Puma (ditto), and Donald Trump's stylist (hairspray can drive a person crazy).

Share your own theories -- conspiracy or otherwise -- below.

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