3,663* Things To Carry, Tow, Or Haul: 30 Days of 2013 Ram 1500

May 16, 2013

When you're used to driving every carlike crossover and coupelike SUV under the sun in a six-month span, a full-size truck can be a welcome relief. And a huge switch.

We're making that switch this month with our 30 Days of the 2013 Ram 1500, and we're asking lots of questions. Some that come to mind: "What the hell am I going to do with this thing for a month? Tow something? Carry a bunch of stuff? Haul some junk?"

Yes. All of the above. And why not make it interesting?

2013 Ram 1500 max payload and towing

2013 Ram 1500 max payload and towing

Our 2013 Ram 1500 SLT Crew Cab 4X4 isn't the most qualified to carry, tow, and haul out of the Ram 1500 lineup, but it's still a pretty hard worker. With the V-6 and four-wheel drive, it's rated at 1,615 pounds of payload, and sports a tow rating of 4,100 pounds. That's limiting to some of us--a weekend racecar setup is too hefty for it--but it will tote literally truckloads of stuff to Salvation Army. (How else would it do it?)

You'd be amazed at what this leaner version of the Ram 1500 can do, just as some of our editors were. Flip ahead to find out what our Ram could carry, tow, and haul, if only we had more budget:

3,213 Things You Can Carry, Haul Or Tow With The 2013 Ram 1500

3,213 Things You Can Carry, Haul Or Tow With The 2013 Ram 1500

Sixteen hundred cans of Spam. Each can of reinterpreted pork deliciousness weighs in at 12 ounces; the tin, we're guesstimating at 4 ounces max. You could build a pyramid to rival Giza in the back of our Ram 1500, and then you could totally carve an Anubis with the contents. Spam god be braised!

3,213 Things You Can Carry, Haul Or Tow With The 2013 Ram 1500

3,213 Things You Can Carry, Haul Or Tow With The 2013 Ram 1500

!!!!!!!! EIGHT HUNDRED BUNNIES !!!!!!!!*


(*fryer size)

3,213 Things You Can Carry, Haul Or Tow With The 2013 Ram 1500

3,213 Things You Can Carry, Haul Or Tow With The 2013 Ram 1500

Seven hundred fifty Pop-Tarts in a small U-Haul trailer. We now realize we need some way to pay for a pickup of our own. We're thinking a half-ton of toaster pastries--the real ones, not that off-brand crap--plus trailer weight and a few hundred jam-band enthusiasts at the next summer music festival ought to do it. It's simple math: Pop-Tarts + hippies+Dave Matthews Band=PROFIT.

3,213 Things You Can Carry, Haul Or Tow With The 2013 Ram 1500

3,213 Things You Can Carry, Haul Or Tow With The 2013 Ram 1500

Eight hundred Dodge balls. Or maybe just two. Ask Ralph Gilles why.

3,213 Things You Can Carry, Haul Or Tow With The 2013 Ram 1500

3,213 Things You Can Carry, Haul Or Tow With The 2013 Ram 1500

The current cast of Mob Wives. Because most of us, most of all our Green Grownup, are huge reality-TV fans, we'd gladly hand over the keys to Big Ang and the crew. Our six-seater would fit them all easily, though you'd probably have to work on a seating chart with the help of a psychic, a wedding planner, and a peace officer.

3,213 Things You Can Carry, Haul Or Tow With The 2013 Ram 1500

3,213 Things You Can Carry, Haul Or Tow With The 2013 Ram 1500

Five Bighorn rams. How's that for authenticity? An average Bighorn is about 300 pounds, including the amazing rack. You'd want to do something about the whole ramming thing if you want to keep the Safelite repairs to a minimum. Do they make Versed for sheep?

3,213 Things You Can Carry, Haul Or Tow With The 2013 Ram 1500

3,213 Things You Can Carry, Haul Or Tow With The 2013 Ram 1500

The Love Boat bar (*and an infinite amount of wisdom). Did you know the real Love Boat was up for auction last year? Yep, they were selling it for scrap. We'd try to get a piece of that action--but just a piece, since its 30,000 gross tons would strip the chrome right off any trailer hitch. We'd settle for the 1,200-pound Love Boat bar (est. 1,400 lb), from which an infinite amount of wisdom and watery well drinks were dispensed by Isaac, a bartender for the ages, some under. You can have your Doc, you can have your Julie--we're all aboard with history's flotsam and with this guy, at $20 an hour plus tips.

_________________________________________

Our 2013 Ram 1500 SLT Crew Cab 4X4 has a busy schedule this month as we put it through towing, hauling, off-roading, and accessorizing, from Georgia to Arkansas and back. Stay tuned for more--follow our Ram 1500 run here, and as always, follow The Car Connection on Facebook, Twitter and Google+.

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