CarMax Releases List of Ten Features Car Buyers Want, World Ignores Them

November 18, 2009
CarMax, those automotive supermarkets full of overpriced used cars, have decided that they too want to be a vital information resource for car shoppers. As such they polled a number of their detainees/customers and asked them what sort of features they wanted in their next car. The answers ranged from the odd to the obvious but the real question is why is CarMax doing the equivalent of the lunchtime poll from the movie "Heathers?"

As follows is the list of what car buyers want in ascending order. (That means the first one listed was #1. I was having trouble with that, too.)

Leather Seats--Run, cows, run. It looks like no one was paying attention to those global warming scientists who told us the majority of greenhouse gasses are caused by methane emitted by cows. Yes, cows farting could end the world. But apparently in the here and now it is even worse to be caught dead with cloth seats.

Navigation System--With the quality of built-in navigation systems still in a state of flux it is a wonder that used car buyers would be so demanding of the technology. If you live in parts of Southern California and buy a six year old car with navigation half the roads wont exist unless the system has been updated. And car manufacturers usually charge hundreds of dollars to do that.

Sunroof--Yippee. A hole in the roof. Why do people love these so much?

Third Row of Seats--Yippee. I am in the third row but there is nowhere to put my knees. Or my ankles. Or my feet. And why arent there ratings for third row occupant safety in a rear end collision?

Rear Seat DVD Entertainment--This is the true blessing of being a modern parent. Shutting your kids up with another viewing of "Finding Nemo."

Automatic Transmission--Well if you are buying a Camry that is fine but why is so hard for everyone to push in a clutch pedal every now and again? I lived in LA and survived with a manual transmission. When you own one your car will feel less like an appliance to you and the act of shifting will become automatic to your brain even in traffic. Okay fine, get an automatic if you must. Just remember that all electric cars will be automatics so enjoy manual transmissions while you still can.

Tow Packages--Can't you just rent one from U-Haul when you need to tow something? Otherwise you are just carrying around dead weight most of the time.

Seat Heaters--I just wonder how often owners remember to turn them on as most automakers put the switches in the most unfathomable of locations. (Such as down by your knee under the left air conditioning vent.)

4 Wheel Drive--Unless you live in the Snowbelt of ski a lot you dont need it. I am talking to you Southern California.

Cruise Control--Too bad you still have to keep your eyes open when you turn the cruise control on. Thankfully it saves you the energy of doing all that footwork what with the going and stopping. It can really take it out of you.

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