5 Worst Cars for Holiday Road Trips

November 16, 2009

You're probably planning the holiday driving routine this week--so you can stock up on music, DVDs and other mobile anesthesia for the long road ahead. But what car should you take on that trip? Here's our choices:

Mazda Miata : I don't care if your two nephews said it was fine for them not to get any presents this year,  you cannot drive your Miata to a family function especially at Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanza time. All of these festivities revolve around gift giving and if you bring the Miata with its 11 cubic foot mail slot/trunk you had better pray for a lot of Best Buy Gift Cards.


 And while this is a great roadster when you really want time alone with a twisty road, there is a lot of wind and tire noise with the top up and the interior can feel cramped. What is fun for a two hour blast on a deserted highway is boring and arduous when it is a schlep on interstates from St. Louis to Santa Fe, New Mexico.


Chevy Aveo: Here's a thought. Perhaps if the Chinese made toys in the trunk don't contain enough lead then perhaps the interior of your new Aveo could serve to poison your family during your holiday visit. In a recent study it was found that there were high levels on led in pretty much the entire car (steering wheel, air vents, as I said everywhere.) You would think that something that, at least in five door form, looked like a giant disco rollerskate could never hurt you but apparently shoddy manufacturing can. Do not just avoid this car during holidays, but at all times.


Smart ForTwo Passion: I don't care if there only are two of you and you have great passion for each other--by the end of a long trip in a ForTwo you are going to want to kill each other over things like, that sound you make when you are chewing. And isn't just a little distance something that any relationship can feed from? Plus, you also get saved the embarrassment of having to arrive at the in-laws in a giant Tic-Tac box that, with all the space you lose, really doesn't get much better economy than a Civic.


Toyota Sequoia: The Holidays are canceled for you until you can learn how to control your procreational urges. Who needs this much room and in an SUV so pig ugly even longhorn steer wouldn't talk to it? There are many fine family cars out on the market today for people with up to seven children. To me, that implies that there is a certain magic about that number.


Because if you go over it you may be forced to drive the bloated, corpulent (up to 9 seats) Toyota Sequoia and that is a joyless thing. It's also really embarrassing. Have you seen how big it is now? Richard Simmons tried to get the Sequoia to stop eating Yaris sedans but now he hasn't been seen for months. You take that however you want to.


Ford F-150: There is nothing wrong with the F-150 or any pickup truck for that matter. It may help you haul a lot of presents and luggage easily in one trip. There is only one problem. What about after the holidays? That's when Uncle Stu and Aunt Barb ask to borrow the truck so they can haul junk out of their garage and then your twitchy cousin Jared asks if you could help him to move. He doesn't have a place yet but he's moving soon. If you take a truck, you absolutely must leave your relatives the day after the holidays are over. At dawn, before everyone is awake is usually best.

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