We don't mean to alarm anyone, but we have it on good authority that there's a giant monkey zipping around Phoenix in a Subaru Outback. The police have taken dozens of radar photos of this chump breaking speed limits, and they've ticketed the car's owner, Dave Vontesmar, but as anyone can plainly see from looking at the pics, that's a giant monkey behind the wheel, not some dude in a mask. Accordingly, Vontesmar has sent all 37 speeding tickets back to the city, claiming he's innocent. We hope somebody apprehends that mad macaque before he goes totally bananas. (P.S. Sorry, it's Thursday.) [PhoenixNewTimes]
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