Bob & Sergio & Rick & Ron: Mind-Blowing Mergings

May 8, 2009
The talented cast of Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice

The talented cast of Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice

It's Friday, and we hope you're already drinking, because this will make more sense if you're hammered.

Okay, you already know about the Fiat/Chrysler partnership. And hopefully you recall our piece from earlier this week in which Fiat's Sergio Marchionne said he'd just loooove to acquire GM Europe, too. And here in the U.S., General Motors proper is planning a bankruptcy that, last we heard, will give the UAW a 55% stake in the company. Clear so far, right?

Well, prepare to have your mind blown.

Rumor has it that GM has said, in effect, "Sure, Sergio, we'll hand over GM exchange for 30% of Fiat." So as we understand it, if all those deals were to go through:

  • Chrysler would give around 20% of itself to Fiat.
  • Fiat would give 30% of itself to GM.
  • GM would give 55% of itself to the UAW.
  • Meaning that Ron Gettelfinger's finger would sit on the trigger of most of the American auto industry. (So what else is new?)

Someone get Dan Brown on the line. We've got a conspiracy novel to pitch.

(NB: Yes, we understand that this is totally reductive and not a fully accurate depiction of how things are likely to turn out. But it's close. And more importantly: it's Friday. Live a little.)


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