Are You Serious? 2013 Cadillac Converj V-Series!

April 30, 2009
2013 Cadillac Converj V-Series

2013 Cadillac Converj V-Series

Man! We knew we were jumping the gun with the first official illustration (well, officially illustrated by us) of the 2012 Chevrolet Volt SS. We're totally going out on a limb here, but this illustration totally shows what the 2013 Cadillac Converj V-Series is gonna be. We think. Maybe.

The Converj and Volt, you know, are basically electric vehicles with 40 miles of range, with a small gas engine running to charge the batteries. Pretty sweet--it's a next-generation hybrid or as GM says, an extended-range electric vehicle. But what's missing from the original GM plans for the production Volt (you saw it here first, remember?) and the concept Cadillac Converj is the high-powered versions for enthusiasts like us, like you, and maybe even like the first dude himself, President Barack Obama.

What's the tire-spanking version of the Cadillac Converj going to do to top the base versions? There's no official confirmation from GM, but here's our best bet--in completely hypothetical, European-car-magazine-illustration-exclusive style:

1) Nuclear power: Screw the gas engine backup. We see Cadillac installing a Simpsons-quality thermonuclear reactor that can suffer untold abuse and still keep running safely. The only meltdowns you're getting here are on the wheels!

2) More battery power: The Converj runs on battery power--the Converj V-Series will have so many spare batteries, you'll swear they knocked over the end cap at a Super Target! Hey, that's one way to cut costs for GM's new Sith Emperor Pelosi.

3) Rolling bling: Cadillac is all about the bling. What else explains the Escalade and Mary J. Blige at the Detroit auto show? We envision a Converj completely encrusted in Swarovski crystals. Taking a cue from Rolls-Royce, Cadillac will hire several thousand scrapbookers and Tova Borgnine to hand-glue each crystal in place. A pink Paris Hilton Special Edition is a natural.

4) "Green" sunroof: You've seen Subaru's grassy knoll, and Toyota's savvy solar panel--they've got nothing on the Converj's washi-paper roof, which folds itself into a origami swan at the push of a button. It's recyclable and it's got more motors than all the Transformers combined.

5) Luxe interior: In honor of the recently dead Cramps singer and also in honor of Michael Jackson's dead career, the Converj V-Series gets a purebred alpaca wool interior harvested from animals set astray last year when Jackson decamped from Neverland.

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