Pie-in-the-Sky Press Release of the Day: Bentley Couture

September 30, 2008
2008 Bentley Arnage Final Series

2008 Bentley Arnage Final Series

As October's bright blue weather approaches, Bentley wants you to know that its "new and expanded Bentley Collection range" is "perfect for the holiday period." Having recently released its Ego Lifestyle laptop computer to the tune of nearly $20,000, Bentley's custom-made wares are clearly not aimed at the countless Americans suffering nosebleeds after the Dow Jones Industrial's 777-point drop yesterday.

But what the heck, let's window shop, dream of being cosseted in white fur, cashmere, and leather, and hark back to the go-go '80s.

If you wish to keep a framed image of your beloved (or your sugar daddy) riding alongside, Ettinger of London, maker of exclusive leather goods, would be happy to sell you a "small travel photo frame, unique to Bentley and designed in association with the company." And if Daddy Warbucks really loves you, he'll buy you an Ettinger ladies' purse, handmade across six individual stages. And you'll waft forth quietly, comforted by the knowledge that your purse's maker is "a Royal Warrant holder for His Royal Highness, the Prince of Wales."

Or, if you'd like to play Robber Red Baron, why not sport the Birkin Spot? No, no, not Birkenstock. Bentley explains that the nomenclature of this item "refers to the blue and white spotted handkerchief that Tim Birkin wore around his neck when racing in the glorious era of the 'Bentley Boys'." And only the "finest foulard, hand-woven and processed" silk is used in the creation of this masterpiece. Personally, we prefer to motor whilst wearing an ascot, and hope that the Birkin name will soon be applied to that jaunty piece of couture. 

Finally, not to leave the little ones out, cashmere baby gift items produced in "the English Pennies region" may also be purchased. Wasn't that where factories used child labor en masse during the industrial revolution? Or no, maybe that was Penny Lane. Get back to you on that.

The strangest part of the release, and one just as strangely devoid of explanation: "The sterling silver 'Blower' and 'Baby Blower' models are highly detailed and include moving parts." We're told that these items carry the Bentley silver hallmark and other precious metal hallmarks, but as to what exactly these are, no clue is given. Quite obviously, we are inferior, ignorant commoners.

Prices for the exclusive items above are not listed, but interested parties are encouraged to visit www.bentleycollection.com.--Colin Mathews

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