Even Coke Prices Rise in Face of Oil Price Woes

Business owners and entrepreneurs across this great land are being forced to pass along rising gas prices to their consumers. Simply put, the cost of shipping, air freight, and local transportation all have risen dramatically as a result of escalating energy costs, and since the bill from these transportation middlemen has increased for the entrepreneur, so too has the sale price of--sadly--even the most basic necessities essential for an American subsistence.

In a move that would have had the "old" Whitney Houston screaming for receipts, Indiana drug dealer Anthony Salinas, 18, has begun levying transportation fees on all sales of cocaine. Specifically, the fuel surcharge resulted in a nearly 12 percent rise the purchase price of a quarter-ounce of the stimulant, up to $240 from the previous $215. Whether or not Salinas' products were of the finest, Colombian-sourced variety is unknown.

A confidential police source was dismayed, like so many Americans frustrated with increased costs of living, when he stumbled upon this unfortunate market reality in June. Economic realities forced Salinas to tell the source, who purchased from Salinas twice, that he would have to pay "$25.00 gas money to deliver the cocaine." This according to the court affadavit, a copy of which may be found on The Smoking Gun.

We cannot confirm that news of these surcharges has led to street demonstrations and protests across party hotspots in L.A., New York, and San Francisco, but we're waiting for word.--Colin Mathews