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For Valentine's Day: 5 Cars That Say 'I Love You', 5 That Say 'I Love You Not'

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2007 Dodge Nitro

When a Roman priest was beheaded some 1741 years ago, no one could've predicted that his life would eventually be celebrated with mass-produced greeting cards and Whitman's Samplers -- and yet, here we are. Like Mother's Day and Father's Day, Valentine's Day has become another occasion to spend dough on loved ones to show you really care.

But of course, it's not that simple. Because simply spending dough isn't enough -- you have to spend it on the right things. Buying the wrong color roses or the wrong brand of teddy bear can spell disaster. And as nifty and expensive as cars may be, they can send the wrong message, too.

So in the spirit of Valentine's Day, we've come up with a short list of ten cars, five of which say "I love you", and five of which say "I love you not". It's not a scientific list -- not even close -- but if someone gifts you one of these today, or if your blind date picks you up in one, it'll at least give you something to talk about over your prix fixe dinner.

5 CARS THAT SAY "I LOVE YOU"

  • If nothing else, the Dodge Nitro is interesting to look at. Its squared-off angles and sturdy pose imply a solid ride. And yet, there's something edgy about the Nitro, too -- a little glimmer in its eye that makes you nervous every time you turn your back. It's part James Gandolfini, part Tura Satana from Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! (may she rest in peace). The Dodge Nitro says, "I totally love you, but I will maintain the court-approved distance until we can patch things up. See you at AA, Peanut."
  • The Chevrolet Impala gets a lot of ribbing from auto folks. Is it stylish? Not especially? Is it a status car? Not unless your status is "snowbird". But does it ride like a tank? You bet'cha -- just like the kind gramps loves to drive. The Chevy Impala says, "I love you almost as much as I love the early bird special at Denny's. More Sanka, Clarice!"
  • You can't argue with the Mazda Miata -- just look at that face, all full of smiles and happy eyes and smizing. The Miata (aka the MX-5) is perky, fun to drive, and best of all, it's a two-seater, so it was made for romance. The Miata is prone to bounce on sofas, screaming, "I love you! Do you love me? Because I totally 100% completely love you! Yes! I! Do!"
  • For family-oriented folks of a certain income bracket, nothing says "I love you" like the Mercedes-Benz E-Class Estate. It's tasteful, it's reserved, it's a status symbol, and since it's leading the return of the station wagon, it's even a little edgy. The E-Class Estate says, "Yes, yes, of course I love you, dearest. Now pass the Gray Poupon. I have to pick up Beatrice and Lindsey from their Capoeira class in half an hour."
  • Born in the red-hot forges of icy Sweden (and now, China), the Volvo XC90 is a study in contrasts: safe but stylish, reserved but aggressive. It's the Dakota Fanning of cars: young but responsible, wise beyond its years. The Volvo XC90 says, "I love you. Now buckle up."

 
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  1. A truly pointless article. Worthless journalism.
     
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