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The 2011 Volvo C30: Looks Like Somebody's Been to the Plastic Surgeon

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The Volvo C30, that odd little Parisian breadvan-style two door hatchback, has gone and had itself a little visit with the plastic surgeon for a nip, a tuck and a serious face pull. The guys in Sweden apparently decided to make the front end look like the face of a bulldog that had just survived a head out the window ride in a Bugatti Veyron at 230 miles per hour. Or maybe they just used Joan Rivers as a template and then pulled a little tighter.

It is apparently true what they say about not being able to stop once you start having plastic surgery because Volvo didnt just stop there. They also added bedazzling chrome surrounds around the foglights that make it look like the car has either nose rings or (heaven help us here Volvo!) nipple rings. Has Volvo gone and had a mid-life crisis?

The interior, well, the interior still looks cheaply built and attempts style not for the sake of beauty or utility but just for its own sake. And let me tell you it is all one disaster crying to be put out of its misery like some shoddily assembled Ikea end table.

The feel of the carryover long throw manual shifter gives no pleasure even to me, a man who finds the act of shifting for yourself to be a natural opiate. Where did they get this transmission from? A cold war Trabant or a tractor? (Power for the 2011 will be carryover with a turbocharged 5 cylinder rated at 227 horsepower doing the motivating. EPA fuel economy rankings are 21 city/30 highway.)

Aimed to play with the VW GTIs and Mini Coopers of the world, the Volvo C30 has just never been cool enough, fast enough or likable enough to play with those kids. You can get away with being dorky yet likable as a child and even as a car. This is proven in the car world with strong cases in point being either the AMC Pacer or Kia Rondo.

But the C30 is the most annoying type of poseur: the one that really thinks its cool. And for that reason and that reason alone just looking at it makes you want to trip it and steal its milk money. Yes, the Volvo C30 will turn you into an immature schoolyard bully. This car needs to be put back in its place and kept out of the plastic surgeons office. Youre a Volvo! Snap out of it!

 
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