Sometimes you just can't make this stuff up.
We've often dreamed about having a flamethrower on our car--you know, getting all Mad Max when you're ahead of us driving 15 mph slower than the speed limit while you're texting or something--but we never dreamed it was actually possible.
To the rescue comes Autoloc, part of Hoffman Group International. Sadly, they've made two minor alterations to our fantasy: First, their flamethrower is actually for the rear of the car, and second, they're very, very clear that it's "For Off-Road Use Only!"
That means in open areas, at auto events, only when people have been cleared from the area, and never, ever on the road in traffic. No matter how much the guy behind you is pissing you off.
The Autoloc Flame Thrower Kit takes advantage of the fact that in older carbureted vehicles, some unburned gasoline drips out of the tailpipe. The kit includes a wiring loom, control box, activation button, and diagram; you add two coils and two spark plugs to ignite that gasoline, producing flames that it says can reach up to 20 feet. Hoooo-eeeee!
The unit costs $125 for single exhaust cars, and $199 for dual exhausts. There's an additional kit that's designed to adapt the Flame Thrower to powertrains that use fuel injection.
Hoffman also sells a Smoke Screen kit, which uses exhaust heat to vaporize a pressurized "dressing" released from a cannister. That one's $199, and Hoffman says both the chemicals and the resulting white smoke are nontoxic.
Both kits are activated by buttons on the dashboard. No, we don't get our Mad Max effect. Yet. But hey, it's a start, right?