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Are You Serious? 2013 Cadillac Converj V-Series!

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2013 Cadillac Converj V-Series

2013 Cadillac Converj V-Series

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Man! We knew we were jumping the gun with the first official illustration (well, officially illustrated by us) of the 2012 Chevrolet Volt SS. We're totally going out on a limb here, but this illustration totally shows what the 2013 Cadillac Converj V-Series is gonna be. We think. Maybe.

The Converj and Volt, you know, are basically electric vehicles with 40 miles of range, with a small gas engine running to charge the batteries. Pretty sweet--it's a next-generation hybrid or as GM says, an extended-range electric vehicle. But what's missing from the original GM plans for the production Volt (you saw it here first, remember?) and the concept Cadillac Converj is the high-powered versions for enthusiasts like us, like you, and maybe even like the first dude himself, President Barack Obama.

What's the tire-spanking version of the Cadillac Converj going to do to top the base versions? There's no official confirmation from GM, but here's our best bet--in completely hypothetical, European-car-magazine-illustration-exclusive style:

1) Nuclear power: Screw the gas engine backup. We see Cadillac installing a Simpsons-quality thermonuclear reactor that can suffer untold abuse and still keep running safely. The only meltdowns you're getting here are on the wheels!

2) More battery power: The Converj runs on battery power--the Converj V-Series will have so many spare batteries, you'll swear they knocked over the end cap at a Super Target! Hey, that's one way to cut costs for GM's new Sith Emperor Pelosi.

3) Rolling bling: Cadillac is all about the bling. What else explains the Escalade and Mary J. Blige at the Detroit auto show? We envision a Converj completely encrusted in Swarovski crystals. Taking a cue from Rolls-Royce, Cadillac will hire several thousand scrapbookers and Tova Borgnine to hand-glue each crystal in place. A pink Paris Hilton Special Edition is a natural.

4) "Green" sunroof: You've seen Subaru's grassy knoll, and Toyota's savvy solar panel--they've got nothing on the Converj's washi-paper roof, which folds itself into a origami swan at the push of a button. It's recyclable and it's got more motors than all the Transformers combined.

5) Luxe interior: In honor of the recently dead Cramps singer and also in honor of Michael Jackson's dead career, the Converj V-Series gets a purebred alpaca wool interior harvested from animals set astray last year when Jackson decamped from Neverland.

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Comments (2)
  1. "Cimarron"

    If they ever really do try to make a Converj, they ought to name it the Cimarron because it will have the same negative effect on the Cadillac name, which until now has become synonymous with luxury sport. The Converj will be luxury tech, and require overnight pluggin in, which most people won't want to do.
     
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  2. "Aztek"

    I can't not think of the Aztek whenever I see the dumb misspelled name, but maybe I'm part of the wrong Jeneration. C'mon Caddy, get creative. And...um...how do you see out of this thing?
     
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