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Archive for the ‘Just for Fun’ Category

Vice-Presidential Debate: Who’s Second-In-Command In Your Driveway?

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1997 Honda Civic DXEnlarge Photo


If you're among the drivers in this country with a spare vehicle or two (or 13 in the case of one current Presidential candidate), we'd like to know what your vehicular sidekick says about you, and what you use it for. No, not necessarily a Suzuki Sidekick...though fond memories of lugging around with a high school friend in that little capable-if-underpowered trucklet make me think it might now be a great way to take in fall colors and do some light off-roading and stream crossing.

Even if you don't have a second vehicle at present (presumably many have abandoned their gas guzzlers, or even, sadly, sold their prized wheels to pay the mortgage), what would be your dream off-duty set of wheels? An old-school American muscle car in which to revel in gloriously irresponsible behavior like smoky burnouts and 6mpg? An exotic Italian beast to polish, tune, and tow to Concours? An old rough-and-tumble truck to blast through hill-and-dale, or throw wood, nails and construction projects into without worrying about scratches and dings?

Personally, being an eco-friendly car communist and rabid diesel enthusiast, I pine for the microscopic VW Lupo diesel, which is able to squeeze somewhere near 70 mpg from its torquey, ultra-efficient little turbodiesel mill. Of course (sigh), we can't buy this car in America. Okay, fine, fine, I'll take a 1970 Chevrolet Chevelle Malibu SS 396, please. Metallic blue with white racing stripes. Even though I could only afford to drive it about five miles per week, they'd be five fun-as-hell miles filled with lusty exhaust rumble and neck-snapping torque. And the intoxicating aroma of unburned gasoline wafting from dual four-barrel carbs.

Car magazines are notorious for having grocery-getter grunt vehicles that are subservient beasts to the fine, blinged-out press vehicles rolling in and out of the stable every week. Like Dan Quayle was to George Bush I, these workhorses aren't expected to shine, or impress, or even operate with much polish. But their status below the shining stars was important, as was their ability to transport the grub and grease that the pretty boys didn't want to get their hands messy with.

At Motor Trend, we had a few ignominious "project vehicles," which were automaker's science fair project cars, or tired-out press vehicles driven to within an inch of their useful lives by rabid auto journalists. Inevitably, in some random PR gesture in an attempt for favorable mentions in the magazine, a company would offload one of these beasts and it would end up lurking down on G3, three levels below the street at Motor Trend's headquarters off Wilshire Blvd. in Los Angeles.

One such project vehicle came to be known as Bucky. Bucky was a proud Ford Bronco II painted flat black, festooned with a fake hood scoop, mag wheels, and mileage unknown on a broken odometer. The lowest schlep on the totem pole at Motor Trend (yours truly in 2001) got the opportunity to drive Bucky everyday. Despite a sputtering, wheezing V-6 that needing coaxing and lots of tired winding of the starter motor to fire up, the lightweight, simple design of the Jeep-like Bronco II quickly endeared me to my funky little daily driver. Whether ferrying editors to the airport, running errands for the office, or running to press vehicle pools with other car schleppers to pick up test vehicles, Bucky's short wheelbase allowed it to turn on a dime, its notchy stickshift was involving and fun in a day where cars nearly drive themselves, and you could throw any manner of dirty, muddy, smelly equipment and supplies in the back of this support vehicle on road trips without giving a care. Heck, just keeping the ancient Twin-I-Beam front suspension going in a straight line provided plenty of entertainment. I actually lamented the close of my days as Bucky's pilot when I was promoted up into the ranks that got to drive slick, predictable leather-lined sedans and overwrought, thirsty SUVs.

So, again, any second or third cars lurking in your driveway, shop, or basement? You know, wood-panelled Country Squires, half-assembled MG project cars, slick exotic beasts, or newly-completed frame-off restorations (lucky bastard)? Tell us about it, and let us know why you keep it on hand as your second-car-in-command.--Colin Mathews

Bible Across America Tour Sponsored by RV Chassis Maker, Bible Publisher

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CruiseAmericaEnlarge Photo

Showing just how in touch the church is with Americans these days, RV chassis maker Spartan Motors and Bible publisher Zondervan have teamed up on a coast-to-coast RV tour of America that will hit 44 states of the union. Their mission: "To handwrite and publish a new Bible one person, one verse at a time."

Efficiency, it would seem, will not be a commandment in this new Bible.

Zondervan is the world's leading Bible publisher, and this five-month, 90-city tour is being launched, they say, "to commemorate the 30th anniversary of the New International Version (NIV) translation, the best-selling and most trusted translation of the Bible."

Spartan Motors is generously donating one of its "test RV units," the 500-horsepower, 42-foot Fleetwood American Eagle motor home (not shown here--that's a teensy RV photo we had in hand), underpinned with their Spartan K2 chassis, for the 15,000-mile tour. Clearly, God put petroleum on this earth to burn while spreading--and writing--the word. So drill, baby, drill--they'll need a few extra gallons for this venture.

We ask, what will Zondervan and Spartan do about high fuel prices and lines (GA, NC) at the gas pump? Faith might not be energy enough for their journey in those areas, but it might help while waiting more than an hour for $4-plus-per-gallon gas.--Colin Mathews

Pie-in-the-Sky Press Release of the Day: Bentley Couture

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2008 Bentley Arnage Final SeriesEnlarge Photo

As October's bright blue weather approaches, Bentley wants you to know that its "new and expanded Bentley Collection range" is "perfect for the holiday period." Having recently released its Ego Lifestyle laptop computer to the tune of nearly $20,000, Bentley's custom-made wares are clearly not aimed at the countless Americans suffering nosebleeds after the Dow Jones Industrial's 777-point drop yesterday.

But what the heck, let's window shop, dream of being cosseted in white fur, cashmere, and leather, and hark back to the go-go '80s.

If you wish to keep a framed image of your beloved (or your sugar daddy) riding alongside, Ettinger of London, maker of exclusive leather goods, would be happy to sell you a "small travel photo frame, unique to Bentley and designed in association with the company." And if Daddy Warbucks really loves you, he'll buy you an Ettinger ladies' purse, handmade across six individual stages. And you'll waft forth quietly, comforted by the knowledge that your purse's maker is "a Royal Warrant holder for His Royal Highness, the Prince of Wales."

Or, if you'd like to play Robber Red Baron, why not sport the Birkin Spot? No, no, not Birkenstock. Bentley explains that the nomenclature of this item "refers to the blue and white spotted handkerchief that Tim Birkin wore around his neck when racing in the glorious era of the 'Bentley Boys'." And only the "finest foulard, hand-woven and processed" silk is used in the creation of this masterpiece. Personally, we prefer to motor whilst wearing an ascot, and hope that the Birkin name will soon be applied to that jaunty piece of couture. 

Finally, not to leave the little ones out, cashmere baby gift items produced in "the English Pennies region" may also be purchased. Wasn't that where factories used child labor en masse during the industrial revolution? Or no, maybe that was Penny Lane. Get back to you on that.

The strangest part of the release, and one just as strangely devoid of explanation: "The sterling silver 'Blower' and 'Baby Blower' models are highly detailed and include moving parts." We're told that these items carry the Bentley silver hallmark and other precious metal hallmarks, but as to what exactly these are, no clue is given. Quite obviously, we are inferior, ignorant commoners.

Prices for the exclusive items above are not listed, but interested parties are encouraged to visit www.bentleycollection.com.--Colin Mathews

Awkward Designs: GEM Peapod vs. Isetta vs. BMW 600

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IsettaThis isn't the first year that pinched pocketbooks and a faltering economy have forced automakers to re-invent and downsize. After WWII, according to Wikipedia, short-distance, economically minded transportation was a huge need in Europe. Enter the Isetta, designed originally in Italy, and subsequently produced all over Europe, including in Spain, Belgium, France, Germany, and Britain. The vehicle even saw successful production in Brazil. Its popularity made the Isetta microcar one of the most successful ever, speaking in post-WWII terms.

Think the new Chrysler/GEM Peapod looks strange? Legions of Jalopnik viewers apparently do, having launched a design-a-Peapod contest with hilarious and creative results (make sure you scroll down and across pages to check out all the bizarre entries). But try this out for design madness: the BMW 600, pictured below. No doubt, many of you are familiar with the so-ugly-it's-cute Isetta, with its reverse-tricycle wheel layout and front clamshell door that take the entire steering column with it upon opening. But the BMW 600, intended to be a larger version of the Isetta, went rapidly from cute/strange to scary/surreal, like a 16-year-old who just won't stop wearing OshKosh overalls and a little hat with the propeller on top.

The extra-awkward, stretched version of the original Isetta had the trademark Isetta front door but also featured one additional rear passenger suicide-style door. In place of the Isetta's single cylinder, the BMW 600 featured a V-twin air-cooled unit from the BMW motorcycle group with a whopping top speed of 64 mph. According to Wikipedia, only 34,000 units made it out of the factory due to sales pressure from the Volkswagen Beetle, a vehicle that looked a lot more like a traditional car than the BMW 600.

The question remains: did the BMW 600 crawl out of a crazed design mind or was it simply forced by 15 committees in charge of utility and efficiency, perhaps like the AMC Pacer or Cadillac Cimarron? Regardless, this vehicle is unmistakably unique and has earned a place in econo-car history for making remarkably daring (haphazard?) choices.--Colin Mathews, photos from WikiCommons

BMW 600

Citroen C4 Comes to New York, Shows Street Dancing Cred

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Citroen Disco RobotThe Malaise Era may have produced some horrible cars, but it also produced cool music and characters with, as we say in the parlance of our times, sick swagger. In a brilliant new advertisement in its series of commercials featuring Citroens as Transformers, the new Citroen C4 goes right to the heart of NYC in its disco heyday.

In a nod to Saturday Night Fever's shots of John Travolta's tight posterior in disco pants, Citroen even zooms in on the roboticized C4's license-plated heinie while he struts through Harlem, jamming with street dancers and swinging from steel girders. He's dancing and strutting to the infectious beat of the BeeGees' "Stayin' Alive" as remixed by a Euro electronica hipster band in the vein of Air, Kruder and Dorfmeister, or Kraftwerk.

So not only do the Europeans get ultra-thrifty cars with funky style, they get to eat mayo with their french fries AND they get bad-ass cars that can street dance and go out to Studio 54. In one fell swoop, Citroen has made the whole Live Green, Go Yellow schtick about as interesting as a the Jolly Green Giant taking a pee break.--Colin Mathews







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